


Slowly, Deeply

by Mrs_Don_Draper



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Crying, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Requited Love, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-24 11:42:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/939606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Don_Draper/pseuds/Mrs_Don_Draper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Spock have been in a heated relationship for a while now, but even Spock knows that he desires McCoy as well. When Bones finds out Spock and Jim have been seeing each other, he is deeply hurt and does not understand that Spock is about to let Jim go to find the love he wants and needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slowly, Deeply

“Bones, please. You can't do this, Bones.”

“You love him, Jim. You love him, and I won't take that away from either of you.”

Jim pulls away from Spock's tight embrace, as if to go after the doctor. McCoy holds up a hand to stop him. The Vulcan tries not to let the hurt show on his face from Kirk's abrupt movement, but he is sure the doctor has seen through his calm facade. His blue eyes are too knowing to have missed his reaction.

“We'll talk later, Jim. You're busy. I can wait. I always wait.”

Leonard leaves his Captain's bedroom, leaving the two naked men alone in Jim's quarters. Spock grips hands with Jim, fingers resting against his pulse. Alive, yes, in body, but his soul...Jim is lacking _something_. He searches for a missing part of him. And that part may have just walked out of the room. He wants McCoy. Spock is nearly sure of it. He feels his heart crack as it sits heavily in his chest like a stone. He aches. He cannot lose his Jim. Not now.

“Bones?” Jim's voice cracks in the middle of the word, and Spock feels his pain through their joined hands. Jim aches as well, in an entirely different—or maybe the same—fashion. Spock senses Jim's tears before the fall, creating two twin tracks down his handsome face. Spock wipes them away with gentle thumbs. Regardless of how he feels about the situation, Jim comes first to him. How could he not?

“Are you alright, Captain? Shall I summon Doctor McCoy for you? He seems to be better suited to your needs that I am at the present time.”

Jim wipes his face clean.

“Don't talk that way, Spock. You're perfect, you know. A fine specimen of a friend. I need you too. Don't ever forget that.”

Jim sighs sadly, deeply and squeezes Spock's hand for emphasis.

“Never doubt that I love you, Spock.”

Spock says nothing, does nothing. What can he say? He feels gratitude for the words imparted to him; he knows Jim means them to the utmost. But he is obviously unhappy. There have been far too many instances such as these for this to be coincidence. He's seen and heard things that the Captain has said and left unsaid that has shown his lack of fulfillment. He craves the doctor's attentions. His Captain is a man who needs constant care and affection, both areas in which Spock knows he lacks. He tries his best to pour his heart out into loving Jim, but he knows in his heart of hearts that as long as Jim yearns for another, Jim can never be his t'hy'la. 

“I do not, Jim. But I know that you seek the doctor's tenderness. He can give you more than I can. Perhaps he can fill the emptiness you have inside you, here.”

He places a warm hand over Jim's heart. It hurts Jim for Spock to be so right. He doesn't want him to be right! For the first time in his life he wishes his Chief Science Officer to be incorrect in his calculations. _No, please, Spock, don't leave me. Not you too_.

“Why, Spock? Why do this to us? We've come so far.”

Spock rises from the bed they had shared and sets to redressing himself for the next shift, even though it is hours away.

“We have. Even I have felt changes within me since become intimate with you. And that I do not regret. However, I cannot let you suffer in silence, feeling trapped in a relationship you do not want to be in. I could never cage you, Jim. You deserve to soar.”

Jim's hazel eyes blink in shock.

“Spock, _no_. Do you know what you're doing to me right now? I need you.”

“Perhaps, Captain. But you have matters that need to be settled with Doctor McCoy, and I could not bear to be the one standing in your way of human happiness. I'll be right here, Jim.”

Spock taps his temple in indication of their many mind melds. He feels golden sparks where Spock's fingers have touched. It conjures up images of their love making and their fucking in his mind's eye. No matter how or where they had done it, Jim believes they are beautiful in every way. Their movements, their words, their purposes, all perfectly in sync with each other.

Jim cannot think of anything else that would convince Spock to say, so he gapes at him, speechless for once. Spock sees the wounded look on Kirk's face, so he does the only thing he knows will sustain Jim in his journey: he kisses him, slowly, deeply. Jim's eyes slowly shut as more tears fall from his face. Spock deepens the kiss with his green-tinged tongue, pressing and licking until Jim moans, though from pleasure or sadness, Spock is uncertain.

“I must leave, Jim. Please talk to McCoy. I want you to find the happiness you seek, the happiness you desire. Good-bye, Jim.”

Jim bites his lip to keep from calling out after Spock leaves. He collapses back onto his bed, feeling as though his heart was going to burst inside his chest. His lungs constrict to the point where each gasp is a struggle. Why does everything hurt so much? He clutches his hand to his chest where is heart pumps frantically against his skin. Gone, gone, gone. Spock is gone. Bones is gone. He's all alone, and he's going to die here from pain and loneliness. And he can't _breathe_. It hurts too much to even try.

“Bones...”

He weeps pitifully. He takes a breath: slowly, deeply.

“Bones.”


End file.
